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Innocence

November 19, 2023

I have just completed a longitudinal study of our criminal justice system, the prison and court systems specifically (longitudinal just means I did my study over a long period of time).

Based on my findings, I will be submitting a report to the Judiciary Committee of Congress and also the United States Department of Justice within the next two weeks.

The short of the matter is that I have found that we can immediately release almost all prisoners and stop almost all criminal trials. I base this on the fact that virtually every person I interviewed in prison stridently proclaimed innocence. They had been incarcerated improperly. Unfairly. Even more striking, I found that the more innocent they were, the louder they proclaimed that innocence. Some got positively enraged in protest. The more vociferous they were about the injustice of the system and the corruption of their jailers and prosecutors, the clearer it was they were actually innocents. It was just what any reasonable, reasonably intelligent person would expect.

I know what you’re thinking. Some of the incarcerated people pled guilty at trial. I did a deeper dive and found that, to a person, they said they had been deceived, entrapped, or coerced into self-incrimination. Consider this outrageous story from right here in Pennsylvania:

“Detectives of the Bucks County Police Department were hellbent on getting a confession out of the suspect. But instead of resorting to the old rubber hose approach, they put technology to use. They clearly [sic] converted the office Xerox machine into a lie detector.
First, the supersleuths put a card saying “He’s lying” into the machine. Then they put a metal colander (normally used to drain spaghetti) over the suspect’s head. Next, they wired the colander to the Xerox machine.
When the suspect gave an answer the detectives didn’t believe, the officers pushed the copy button and the machine spewed out a paper which read, “He’s lying.” Faced with such advanced-level police tactics, the fellow finally confessed.”

The judge dropped the charges and set the defendant free; Proof that everyone who pleads guilty has been deceived or misled somehow. So unfair. Everyone who has been incarcerated will back my study in this finding. If you ask any of them, they will solemnly tell you they are actually innocent. Most very loudly. The more innocent, the louder they tend to protest.

You may be thinking that sometimes there is evidence actually proving guilt. Every person I asked assured me that it was lies and fake news used for evidence. Unhinged judges and prosecutors. Have you any idea how many people are innocently caught up by fabricated evidence? Victims of deranged jurists and prosecutors.

The most logical course of action is to empty most prisons. We are spending a disgraceful amount of money on housing and feeding people who should never have been there in the first place. Treated so unfairly. We are financing judges and judicial administration, courthouse and prison/jail maintenance, etc. to persist in ‘punishment’ and ‘rehabilitation’ of innocent people. So unfair! It is time to stop the carnage.

I know you are reasonable and can see the inhumanity of ruining the lives of innocent people. We must recognize that most everyone who proclaims innocence is obviously innocent. No guilty person would be so brazen as to falsely claim innocence rather than honorably accept responsibility for their transgressions. Even more so, if they loudly, and publicly proclaim their innocence, it obviously definitively proves that they are, in fact, innocent. What really seals the deal is a steady stream of plaintive posts of injured innocence on social media. In my study, this serves as conclusive proof that an accused is being unfairly persecuted.

Finally, don’t just take my word for this travesty. A LOT of people are saying I’m right… my methods and findings are common sense. Everywhere I go people come up to me and tell me that corruption and collusion among the different parts of the criminal system prevents justice from prevailing. Sometimes racism is also a factor. Everyone knows it

Full disclosure: There was one exception I found in my study as far as actual guilt, a seeming anomaly. I grouped my results by political affiliation and the results were startling. In the case of those who embraced the Whig political party, the results were consistent with my findings. When I examined those of the Federalist party, they actually contradicted my findings. Those people WERE guilty as charged. (Note: A small group of WINOs (Whigs in Name Only) were also found guilty of the charges. These were included in the Federalist totals to keep the analysis consistent.)

To verify this peculiar grouping, I consulted prominent Whigs who confirmed my findings about Federalists. Given that Whigs were, in fact, consistently innocent (as my findings had already proven), there was a scientific basis to accept their input to explain my findings, namely that Federalists (and WINOs) are outliers. This tends to weigh against a draconian elimination of incarceration. Contrary to their claims, Federalists are prone to proclaiming innocence inappropriately but their claims don’t stand up to scrutiny. Even when protesting loudly. Everyone knows it.

In conclusion, as we consider our criminal justice system, there are some significant steps we can take to cut expenses and wasted time criminalizing groups of obviously innocent people. My recommendations would simplify things. Instead of rushing to judgment… or playing the ‘Blame Game’, we could save much time by simply asking someone if they are innocent! Trust in honor and honesty. The louder and more public the proclamation, the more innocent the accused; More trustworthy; More honorable. If a person makes loud, persistent pleas of innocence and victimization on social media, that conclusively settles the matter. Following my suggestions, our newly streamlined judicial process will be better able to prosecute actual Federalist criminal activity. A lot of people have been saying this already. Everyone knows it is true.

My beautiful new judicial administration system plan should be released within two weeks.

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