‘There’s No Heartbeat’

October 15 is National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. Everyone around the world is encouraged to light a candle at 7 p.m., as it falls in each time zone. If everyone lights a candle and keeps it burning for one hour, there will be a continuous Wave of Light over the entire world.

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Photo courtesy Addie's Gift Foundation Facebook Page.

by COURTNEY WILLIAMS

At 39 weeks pregnant, I went to what I thought was going to be a normal doctor’s appointment.

As I laid on the table getting set up for a routine stress test, I immediately felt the nurse’s mood change and was told a doctor would be coming in to attach the monitor.

At that point, thoughts started racing through my head.

The midwife sent me to get an ultrasound where I would soon hear the three most devastating words, “there’s no heartbeat”.

Vividly, I remember thinking to myself, “This can’t be right. I just felt the baby move. I just had an appointment four days ago and saw her moving, saw the heartbeat!”

Emotionless and not completely grasping what had just happened, I left the office, called my husband at work and met him at home.

When we arrived at the hospital, I felt like I was having an out-of-body experience. I had a healthy pregnancy, my baby was healthy! How could this happen? Why me? Why my baby?

As we prepared for delivery, I had learned that we became the 1 in 4. My husband and I became part of a club that no parent asks or wants to join. We were parents that suffered the loss of a child.

On July 8, 2019, our second child and only daughter, Clara Lynn, was born still, due to a cord incident. No one prepares you for the events that happen after the loss of a baby. Going home with an empty car seat. Telling your family and friends. Braving the empty nursery. Experiencing a rollercoaster of raw emotions. Even your body gives you painful reminders of your loss.

Today, I am a momma to my two boys, (6 year old and 1 year old rainbow baby). I still think about Clara every day and wonder what she would be like today.

As time goes on, I’ve found reading books and hearing stories of other people’s losses showed me I wasn’t alone on this journey and how common it truly is. I hope sharing my story helps give comfort to a grieving mother and father and gives them the courage to reach out to someone.

This journey can be very lonely but just know, there are resources in the Warren area to help families who are struggling. There is always a shoulder to lean on in the club of grieving parents.

Editor’s note: Your Daily Local reached out, through Addie’s Gift Foundation, to families willing to share their stories for National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Week (Oct. 9 – 15). All the stories were written by those who shared them and have been edited only for style and spelling/grammar where appropriate. More stories can be found here.